Royal Duncannon Navy

SUBJECT: Homeland Security, File No.06-59-0023
The press recently asked the Admiral of the Duncannon Navy if he was prepared to protect the people.
His response was “As far as I know, I don't know.”
We should feel safe now.
Update: 9/9/2009 Duncannon has decided vigilance is no longer necessary. Therefore the Royal Duncannon Navy will be terminated shortly.
Update: 10/20/2009 Cap'n Iroquois Jackson has decided not to promote himself to Admiral. Instead he will resign his commission next month to avoid going the way of Admiral "Madman" Jim Crownover.

The admiral.

You can see here how few patrols we have had this year!

August 14, 2009
The Duncannon Navy is sinking! Can anyone help?
We are now down to 4 captains and 1 Admiral.
Due to lack of interest it looks like the Navy will die soon.
Entering Perry County

Condition Orange in Pennsylvania!!!
Royal Duncannon Navy on the Susquehanna River!

Condition Orange in Pennsylvania!!!
Royal Duncannon Navy

The Admiral is gone!
Preparation for a vital mission.

The Flag

Beach landing.
Cap'n "Old Crow" Jen

The Off Season

Silent running.
Cap'n "Madman" Jim
Marysville Navy
Lieutenant Junior Grade Joe
We do run into pirates occasionally but if they give us a good portion of rum we let them go.

If we get too much rum we start to look like this!
suttons wave

Sometimes pirates try to hide under their boats. It doesn’t fool us. When we catch them doing this we confiscate all their rum!

Uh Oh!! Here comes another. We will have lots of rum tonight!
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum Dum!
If we run into the Neoprene Pirate we will confiscate all of his Fuzzy Navels!
He obviously doesn’t carry any rum.
We may even remove his neoprene.
Some pirates do get by us.
This one crept up on us underwater and just popped up almost next to us!
We believe this was Cap’n NoBeard Blue Bottom but it was hard to tell due to the dark glasses.
It was too late to give chase. We got no rum that day!
We almost cried like a neoprene pirate.
suttons wave
This pirate kept hiding in the waves. He also said he had no rum so we let him go.

Garden Seat Tea Room
We only eat at the best restaurants in Perry County!
They also let friendly pirates in.
Garden Seat Tea Room
The Duncannon Navy rates The Garden Seat Tea Room on route 11 & 15 in Perdix as the best restaurant in the county.
Their homemade tomato and grape juices are perfect!
You must be very careful not to anger the Pirate Queen!!
If you do this will happen to you!

This is where we put suspicious persons! Then they are easy to torture.

We get lots of them to torture.

Sometimes we run into drunken unruly indians!!
The indians often cause traffic jams.
This requires severe torturing!
We can't even show pictures of what we did to those indians.
It would make too many people sick.
One of the indians did survive!!!!

We have the presidential seal of approval for all our torture.

Regardless of the new administration’s stand on torture the Duncannon Navy must continue doing it’s job.
We just can’t have Indians causing traffic jams on the rivers!
We could use a new device.
If anyone has one of these they could donate, it would be greatly appreciated.

We must keep vigilant! It could be the Doyle hotel next!

The cowardly Neoprene Pirate who calls himself Buzzard Beak has rarely been seen.
He is usually hiding.
We would very much like to catch him and relieve him of all his Fuzzy Navels because he brags and lies too much.
We hope to put a halt to this but he is very hard to find.
It is believed he looks something like this.
Without his Fuzzy Navels for courage to brag I think he will quietly disappear.
We know that Buzzard Beak (The Neoprene Pirate) is a real wimp!
He is always in hiding and we have never even seen a picture of him.
We did, however, find a more accurate likeness of him and it is true he is about as scary
as a bowl of applesauce but he boasts so much we would like to catch him and give him a good spanking!

This is the flag he flies - or gets flies on.

He dropped one of his Shirley Temple bottles.

This is one of the Neoprene Pirate's tougher swabbies!

We finally encountered the real live Cap’n Buzzard Beak, alias The Neoprene Pirate!
We spotted him at Poorman's Spring on the Juniata River.
Unfortunately he escaped over Iroquois Falls and we didn’t find out if he had any rum.

Dive! Dive! Dive!
The Duncannon Navy is developing new technology!
With this new submarine we hope to catch the pirates hiding under their boats more easily.
We will be able to submerge and come up right under them and take all their rum!
Wow! Isn’t technology wonderful!

Some pirates don't even have boats.
This guy just paddles along on his butt.
That is what happens if a pirate fails to pillage enough.
We felt so sorry for him we didn't even stop him.
2007 was a good year for recruitment. We have four new recruits. This looks like a very good crop! We need the larger force to protect the Duncannon town security. There is an oil shortage which means we will need to invade Texas to secure our oil! We have sent the new recruits there to begin the invasion in the interests of Town Security! We could use a few more recruits in 2008. We may even accept pirates for this invasion.
Some pirates are just too ugly!
We stay away from them for fear it may be catching.
Could this be the Neoprene Pirate?
Ensign "Bad Dude" Larry
I did run into some landlubbin' pirates in the bar down by the town wharf one night but I single handedly drank them both out of their cache of rum and then I won their boat in a poker game. I think they had to hitchhike to leave town. Poor excuses for pirates if you ask me. Larry
Ensign "Crazy" Mike

Avast yea swabbies, for there be sea monsters out there!
This one put up a bit of a fight, but we got him in the end!
The sea monsters normally don't bother me but in the winter it is another story.
I don't like running into these! We have no one for winter patrole from Duncannon to Dauphin. The Duncannon navy needs some recruits for winter patrole from Duncannon to Dauphin. It is hard to find volunteers for this. Nobody with any sense wants to go out in the winter! The prirates may be free to rape and pillage at will if we can't find someone.
We had a volunteer but the monster ate him.
During the winter most of us are tied up with land duty anyway.
Occasionally you do have to go down with the ship!
But you better hope the Hat man don't get you!
Pirates sometimes come out in the winter!
We promptly disarm them and kick their butts!
It seems Nazis have been spotted in the Duncannon area.
They leave their toilet paper lying around different parts of the woods.
It looks like we need a Duncannon Army to root them out!
The Navy doesn’t do this type of work.
We now have this torture gate so if you find any suspected Nazis we can squeeze all
the information out of them and put a stop to this Nazi invasion!
We are also trying to get possession of this torture chair. It would be a big help.

 Juniata River.
Sneaking up on the 3 boatloads of
Jonboat Pirates at Iroquois Falls!

 Juniata River.
These pirates had obviously been raping and pillaging
but they had no rum so we let them go.
Red Beard the Weird is still on the loose..

 Juniata River.
These pirates tried whipping us with their cat 'o one tail so we had to obliterate them.
There is nothing left of them but bacterial pooh!
Unfortunately we obliterated all their rum also.

 Juniata River.
We saw no pirates today! I guess they saw us coming and hid.

 Juniata River.
I suspect the Indians use these stakes for mounting heads.
The buzzards must have eaten the heads.

 Juniata River.
We ran into Cap’n Baker and his scurvy tube pirates!
They had lots of rum but it was hidden ashore.

 Juniata River.
We surrounded him for interrogation but he would not talk.
We had no torture tools with us so we let him go.

 Juniata River.
Tube Pirates of Dark Water

 Juniata River.
Pulling over Cap’n Blue for piracy on the Juniata River.

 Juniata River.
I guess we showed those pirates whose boss!
We took all their rum!

 Juniata River.
This pirate said we could have his money and his beer but if one wanted his rum he would fight.
My whole crew ran off so he escaped.

 Juniata River.
Do you know what these Tube Pirates had the gall to say to me? Cap’n Madman Jim!
Pirates we be, arrrgh Jim lad!

 Juniata River.
We mourn the loss of Cap’n Darin who went down on his ship.
I guess he had too much of that confiscated rum.

 Juniata River.
Cap’n Elmer Eddy(The White Oak River Trash Man) of the Swansboro Navy
Has to deal with hazards like this giant squid.

 Juniata River.
Here is a local cop chasing down an indian.

 Juniata River.
These tube pirates were a bit too happy looking.
They said they had no rum but I think they were hiding it under water.
Cap’n Larry was preparing to jump in and look but when I told him to
beware of the sharks he decided we should just let the pirates go.
This one was Cap’n Sneeky Don.

 Juniata River.
This one was Cap’n No-Beard Beverly

 New River.
Due to circumstances beyond my control relating to the above pirate I have been forced to relieve the admiral of command. Without his knowledge I court martialed him and drummed him out of the Duncannon Navy. We then gave him 40 lashes with the Cat O' Nine Tales. This put me in the position of acting Admiral. I have since decided that I might have done the same thing he did and so have offered to let him back in the Duncannon Navy as a captain if he will show the initiative to get out in his ship frequently to do the job.

 Waccamaw River trip.
We were attacked by The Waccamaw Beast!
I think it was going to eat us all!
Admiral "Crazy Lady" Margie and Ensign "Princess" Morgan of the Old Dock Navy
were able to fight this thing off and we escaped!

 Duncannon Navy
Duncannon Navy

 Duncannon Navy.
Cap’n madman Jim ready for the battle of the Juniata on August 19, 2008.
It will be an awesome sight!

The Duncannon Navy has many responsibilities. I “Cap’n Madman” Jim have The Duncannon Cannon. Duncannon is to poor to even get a place on the map so they can’t give a nice place to launch our ships. We have to go under the tunnel to the other side of the tracks to get in the water. They also can’t afford to pay us so all we get is whatever rum we confiscate. That does cause some problems such as the July 6 incident when we confiscated a large quantity of rum and then stopped for a break in Poormans Spring. This resulted in the capsizing of 4 boats at Iroqouis Falls. Cap’n Darin went down on his ship. Cap’n Luke survived and saved his ship. I don’t know what happened to Cap’n Corey and Cap’n Justin. I guess they went down also. There is much more to this ongoing operation. Our loses have been high over five years but we carry on. If you commit suspicious acts on the river near Duncannon you may find yourself looking down the barrel of The Duncannon Cannon.

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Heh Heh Heh. One casualty. Cap'n "Yellowpants" Luke went down during the battle.
We think he will recover and be back in action in about a week.
On a blacker note, the ex admiral has been court martialed again.
This time for desertion in the face of battle at the Battle for the Juniata.
This desertion is the reason for our one casualty during the battle.
He was then whipped Cat O’ Nine Tales until there was nothing left but a puddle of Bacteria Pooh.

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
We had been having a rough time of it until our flying squadron came to the rescue.
They flew up over Iroquois falls and from land nearby.

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Beware The Spider!

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
Once again we have saved Duncannon from the perils on the river.

 Battle for the Juniata August 19, 2008
The Captains of the Duncannon Navy!

 Susquehanna River.
Sometimes they hide behind rocks and fire at you as you go by!
This is dangerous work. We should get paid more.

 Susquehanna River.
Some pirates have the nerve to send their parrots after you!

 Susquehanna River.
We need more recruits for the Duncannon Navy.
Our numbers are getting very low and it looks like there is a conspiracy beginning up the river.
I think they are starting to build the Halifax Armada!
If this is allowed to continue and we fail to build up the Duncannon Navy they will probably
be down to Duncannon next summer for an easy conquest!
There will be no more Duncannon. We need to start building up our forces now!

 Juniata River.
We saw these Raft Pirates loaded down with rum!
Unfortunately they were much too scary and we had to flee.
We were lucky to get away from them with our skins.


 Blue Juniata River.
The situation is worse than I thought. It appears Halifax is building a fort on the Susquehanna River. Fort Halifax.

 Blue Juniata River.
I think this is where most of the Halifax Armada will be kept. They are also training a large militia so they can attack towns along the waterfront.

 Blue Juniata River.
Duncannon will probably be one of the first to be attacked.

 Blue Juniata River.
This is part of the conspiracy between Halifax and the evil Millersburg.

Millersburg already has several paddle wheel attack boats which can also carry the militia.

 Susquehanna River.
We surrounded this pirate and prepared to confiscate her rum.

 Susquehanna River.
Sometimes we just need to hand out some Punishment.

 Juniata River.
Sometimes we must punish our own!

 Juniata River.

Cap’n “Madman” Jim decided we needed to give somebody a promotion. So, as of September 15, 2008 it is Admiral “Madman” Jim!

The King of Duncannon told the Royal Duncannon Navy that he will provide the money to improve our river access! (Someday)

 Juniata River.
Cap'n Stan

Jim in the old days before becoming a captain.

Jim in the old days before becoming a captain.

 Country Club of Duncannon.

Country Club of Duncannon.
October 12, 2008
The water is getting cold in the rivers!
Travel on the Juniata and the Susquehanna is down almost as much as the economy.
I guess it is time to take it easy and relax at the Country Club of Duncannon.
The golf course is right next to the Runway of the Duncannon international Airport.
This is where the Duncannon Navy goes to unwind! Some people go there to wind.
They occasionally have a nice dance party in the terminal when flights are cancelled due to heavy snow.

 The Duncannon international Airport.
The Duncannon international Airport. DIA

 The Duncannon international Airport.
The Duncannon international Airport.

 The Duncannon international Airport.
The Duncannon international Airport.

 The Duncannon international Airport.
The Duncannon international Airport.

 The Duncannon international Airport.
The Duncannon international Airport.

 Enchanted Forest

Enchanted Forest

 The pirate in the red car.

The pirate in the red car got me!! Looks like no more Tarpon 120 for me! Oh well, I guess the pirate got the worst of the deal. He is totally insane.

 The Duncannon international Airport.
This is the one and only Duncannon Navy handmade marble, made and etched by Sammy Hogue of West Virginia!
 The Duncannon Headquarters.

I was promoted to Admiral last September and then ran for president.
Vote Admiral "Madman" Jim Crownover for president 2008!
I don’t know why I didn’t make it to the White House.
I am sure all patriotic Americans voted for me!
I guess the election was fixed.
I think that maybe Perry County will have to secede from the nation due to the failure of democracy.
I hope this does not require a civil war but the Duncannon navy is ready if needed!
Marysville may fall but I think we can sink any attacking aircraft carriers in the Dauphin Narrows!
Here is the new headquarters for the Duncannon Navy.

In the interest of mending our nation I am offering my services to the new administration.
I am prepared to serve as the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. 
I would even be willing to accept the position of Chief of Naval Operations.

Admiral "Madman" Jim Crownover

It looks like the invasion has begun!! 
Here they are crossing the water and no Duncannon Navy to stop them!
Does this mean Duncannon is doomed along with the rest of Perry County?

 Toxic Capital of the World

During the summer of 2006 the government decided to look for the most useless unnecessary
place in the country. They want this for dumping all toxic waste and nucular waste.
The 2-year study ended in the summer of 2008 and Perry County was selected.
This project is scheduled to begin in 2010. 
This means Duncannon will become the Toxic Capital of the World!
This information was just recently leaked. The government still thinks it is secret.

 Toxic Capital of the World

Chasing down Cap'n Red Beard the Weird!


One of our carriers preparing for action!

The Admiral preparing for retirement.

Admiral "Madman" Jim is retiring on October 30, 2009.
This means we must find a new admiral and some new recruits by then or the Royal Duncannon Navy will cease to exist!
That will be a big disaster.

 Iroquois Falls.
Our new recruit

Lieutenant Junior Grade Iroquois Jackson
is really going at it hunting for terrorists in submarines! He is the only new recruit we have had this year. With all the desertions and other loses we are down to 6 active members as of today (July 18, 2009). At this rate the Royal Duncannon Navy will soon end it’s glorious 6 ½ years of service. We will be lucky to survive another 2 months.

 Some pirates are so evil we have to give them the Nutcracker!!!!
Some pirates are so evil we have to give them the Nutcracker!!!!

 You should obey the law of the river!
There are certain advantages for the Admiral.

 You should obey the law of the river!
You should obey the law of the river!
ROCKS have the right of way!

 Checking up on enemy warship at Millersburg as it prepares for the invasion of Duncannon!
Checking up on enemy warship at Millersburg as it prepares for the invasion of Duncannon!

 Susquehanna River.
The invaders from the north are now carrying motorcycles on their warships. It looks like they mean business. We don’t think they will attack Duncannon before Thanksgiving. As long as The Royal Duncannon Navy lives Duncannon will not fall!

 Susquehanna River.
The Royal Duncannon Navy has aquired 3 new cannons to prepare for the invasion!

 Today pirates beat Admiral “Madman” Jim Crownover to death.
October 2, 2009
Today pirates beat Admiral “Madman” Jim Crownover to death.
I guess this is what happens when forced to patrol alone
due to the shrinking navy.
That leaves only one member of the Royal Duncannon Navy,
Iroquois Jackson.
The Royal Duncannon Navy can’t last much longer without an Admiral!

 Pirate execution.
October 5, 2009

Lieutenant Junior Grade Iroquois Jackson quickly apprehended the pirate
responsible for this horrible act. He was swiftly executed!

Lieutenant Junior Grade Iroquois Jackson 
(as the sole surviving member of the Duncannon navy) 
promoted himself to captain immediately following the execution.
He is considering promoting himself to admiral next month.

 Pirate execution.

Captain Iroquois Jackson 

 Pirate execution.
October 9, 2009

It seems the October 5th execution was the wrong guy. 
It was not the pirate that killed the admiral.
He was just riding by on his horse.
That was Arkansas Jim. We made the mistake, But the joke's on him.

This is the one that really did the dirty deed.
He was executed on October 8, 2009.
It is good we have everything straightened out now.

 Pirate execution.
October 16, 2009

It seems the October 8th execution was just Joe the farmer 
from up the road apiece.
But the good thing is we now caught and hanged all
3 of the for true evildoers.
We are delighted to have it really all straight now!

 Pirate execution.
November 7, 2009

Today the last remaining member of the Royal Duncannon Navy,
Captain Iroquois Jackson resigned and headed for home wherever that may be.
It is a sad day for the Navy.

June 22,2013 I see pirates are beginning to take over the river again. Where is The Duncannon Navy?

 Juniata River.
Juniata River pirate.

 Juniata River.
Juniata River raft pirates.

 Juniata River.
Juniata River raft pirate.

 Juniata River.
Juniata River.


A must read for all intellectual readers is “The Life And Times Of Cap’n Madman Jim” by Doctor John Langdon. This book can be found at your un-local book shoppee for $43.82. Everyone should buy this book.


Duncannon Pennsylvania Duncannon Pa Perry County Pa Perry County Pennsylvania

All hail the King of Duncannon!

Rezitsitized Hisperatation